


A Very Awesome Christmas

by kaykeyser



Category: That Guy with the Glasses RPF
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-11
Updated: 2011-02-11
Packaged: 2017-10-15 13:56:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/161494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaykeyser/pseuds/kaykeyser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All the reviewers on the Internet try to save Christmas by defeating a bad Hollywood movie in the making.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Very Awesome Christmas

A Very Awesome Christmas

The intro

Open with Holiday Clusterf**k sung by that guy with the glasses. He is dressed like Fred Astaire from “Santa Claus is coming to town”. He skips his way home, enters his home, takes off his top hat, winter coat and scarf and hangs them up like Mr. Rodgers at the start of his show, he next hangs up his cane and enters the kitchen of his house.

He faces camera before reaching the fridge and smiles.

TGWTG: Oh, Joyeux Noël, didn't hear you come in. Seasons greetings and welcome to Ask That Guy with the Glasses. Today I want to tell you a Christmas story. But 1st Some Eggnog.

TGWTG walks over to the fridge and opens it.

Zuul: Zuul, Motherfucker, ZUUL!

TGWTG: (as if addressing an old friend who he is accustom to seeing in a fridge) Oh Hi Zuul, do we have any eggnog?

Zuul: Sure thing.

Zuul tosses some out to him.

TGWTG: Thanks

Zuul: Don’t mention it. Bye the way we’re almost out of Hamster Jelly and Onions.

TGWTG: Thanks for telling me I’ll be sure to pick some up at the store latter.

Zuul: Any time.

TGWTG: can I get you any thing? Maybe a milk bone?

Zuul: Nah, Im fine I have my little light bulb and a patch of frost to keep me company.

TGWTG: Well till next time?

Zuul: right, oh and Merry chris… I mean Zuul, Motherfucker, ZUUL!

TGWTG closes the door. He seems amused by how cute Zuul can be some times, as if he was a nice guy and a joy to chat with.

TGWTG: (to audience, as he gets in front of the bar,) Right, now where were we? Oh, right.

TGWTG picks up a book from a shelf and reads it.

TGWTG: Twas a few weeks before Christmas and at the Nostalgia Critic’s house….

 

The credits scroll along with an 80s montage home decorating, to be explained in the next section. There is also a song sung over the credits. The song is sung by the Nerd and critic explaining who they are as set to the toon of the Miser Brothers song only its more like movie miser and game miser.

 

The beginning of the story

We come to The Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd as they decorate Their houses for the holiday. The two of them are neighbors and are becoming competitive. The critic is dressed as Heat miser and the nerd is dressed as snow miser but both of them still have Their trade mark clothing accessories. They start out by hanging up lights and snow flakes and small glass balls. Next the Nerd hangs up some Nintendo games, nailing them to the wall. The critic stretches out rolls of 70 millimeter film and put the rolls up like garland. He even ties them in bows and puts the reels them selves at each end of the wall. The Nerd hangs up marios, ? blocks, sonics, yoshis and other assorted game characters. The critic hangs up DVDs that sparkle in the sunlight. The Nerd strings up controllers and light zappers. The critic strings up Popcorn. The Nerd sets up A Nativity set, The Critic puts up nutcrackers. The Nerd Puts up a giant Santa, the critic puts up a bigger Santa. The nerd flashes him a glare of rivalry witch the critic returns. The Nerd sets up 8 white tail deer. The critic sets up 9 caribou. The Nerd angrily sets up Elves. The Critic angrily sets up Elves and Santa’s wife. The Nerd Sets up a huge flashing sign. The critic hangs another decoration up, the Nerd adds a Star-man to his tree. The critic Runs out of holiday decorations and sets up a turkey in a Santa hat. The critic sets up 3 Halloween ghosts and a zombie and tries to pass it off as Scrooge. The critic gives guns to the nutcrackers and aims them at the Nerd. The Nerd gives Super scopes to the wise men and aims them at the critic. All the decorations start blasting each other. There is a huge explosion parts of decorations fly everyware! The parts get all mixed up, decorations from both houses end up falling on both sides. The feud stops at the same time the credits and the song stops and the Critic and Nerd stand back and look at the mess, they are proud of how it all turned out, they shake hands and nod to each other because the decorations finally look perfect. They both go in to one house together to watch Hogan's Heroes.

 

 

The ALLEY

Pan over from the house to the Alley where we see Chester A Bum and other bums in the snow begging for change. The French Bum is here and so is Spencer D Bum and Lester, we also see the bum from Ga-Ra-Ku-Ta: Mr. Stain on Junk Alley and the little match girl. There is also a raccoon in a trash can they keep as a pet, and a stack of boxes, cardboard and junk, made up to look like a Christmas tree and gifts.

Next We pan past the bums to the Christmas Tree lot.

The Tree Lot

In the center is a happy smiling tree, swaying around singing and telling puns. She is the last tree on the lot and sings about how happy she is to be alive.

Nostalgia Chick and Nella are out looking for a tree. The chick is dressed as Ralphie Parker and Nell is dressed as Randy Parker when out of there winter coats they are dressed like peppermint patty and Marcy. They see the tree and are excited to see it. Nostalgia Chick raises her Axe ready to chop down the happy tree.

Ma-Ti comes out

Ma-Ti: Hold it right there I can not let you chop down this tree!

Nostalgia Chick: It’s Ma-Ti from captain planet! What do you want?

Ma-Ti: I am here to stop you from chopping down this Christmas tree! This is the last Christmas tree on the lot and she is the happy home to birds and squirrels everyware. Chopping her down would be a crime against the environment and I can not let you do that!

Nostalgia Chick : You may just have a point there…

She turns to Nella

Nostalgia Chick: Um what was his power again?

Nella: heart sir, it was Heart.

Nostalgia Chick: Right, on second thought, we’re going to cut it down any how, sorry.

She swings the Axe back

Nostalgia Chick: Stand out of the way little guy.

Ma-Ti : Heart!

Nostalgia Chick: Timber!

Ma-Ti : Perhaps you did not hear me the 1st time.

He pulls a gun out and aims it at her.

Ma-Ti : HEART motherfuckrs, Heart!!

Nella: We should do what he says (she has her hands up)

Nostalgia Chick : Ok, Ok ! (she puts the Axe down)

The girls back off.

Nostalgia Chick: (whispering to Nella, both girls still have there hands up) Now what?

Nella: We could go to the mall and buy an artificial tree.

Nostalgia Chick: Yah the mall! (clapping her hands and hopping up and down, no longer feeling threatened by the planeteer)

Both girls : SHOPPING!!!

All 3 of them walk off stage heading to the right

Angry Joe hopes the fence, (from the back right, heading to center left) puts on a hockey mask, pulls out a chain saw and starts it up. He cuts down the tree. The trees eyes go to Xs and its tongue hangs out. We dissolve to that scene from Bambi after his mother was shot, letting you know a life has just died.

The ALLEY part 2

 

Next, Joe and tree pass threw a back Alley, Chester A Bum and other bums are trying to keep warm by sitting in front of a cardboard fire propped up against a flashlight wrapped in cellophane. They huddle in the ever falling snow as Chester takes an idea from little match girl and tries to sell matches.

Chester : Change please, change, oh some one buy my matches please buy my matches. Change oh come on help a guy out will ya! Matches!!!!!!

Lester: Change!

Spencer: change!

Pan low, we see the legs of people walking by and not stopping.

Change camera angle to show the face of the guy who walks by next.

TGWTG walks by and the bum stops him begging.

TGWTG: (shoves Chester over) Piss off you Twit I have shopping to do!

THE MALL

The Warrior dressed as Santa stands out side skronking at any one who refuses to pay up. He does this in place of ringing a bell.

 

The Warrior: (loudly and sudden) Skronk !!!!!!!!!!!

Rob Walker coming out of the mall jumps back in fear of the warrior.

TGWTG sings and skips his way to the mall ware we reunite with girls

Bargo sits at a starbucks drinking coffee and talking about sex.

Bargo: I call that move Fluffing the Garfield I’ll show it to you some time if you like.

Starbucks girl: Tee-hee

The Mall has an Error’s chicken and waffles. A Jib-Jab George W Bush stands there eating.

Dead skull’s pub and Howard are in the back ground watching Chuck Norris arm wrestle Blood Beard the pirates all root on there favorites.

Chick looks at a window at the pet store

 

Chick: PUPPIES!!!!

The girls run around the mall from shop to shop trying on cloths and picking up stuffed animals and playing with toys. (artist note : make lots of fun ideas for this segment, just run with what you feel works, submit several ideas)

There is a stand in the mall selling McGuffin Muffins surrounded by flashing arrows telling people ware to go. Paw comes up to it and gets a McGuffin. A sound effect chimes. Lord McGuffin sells the Mcmuffins.

Levi is in the arcade playing pinball.

Characters from Little miss gamer and captain S are in the background.

The girls talk with store clerks, (Jay and silent Bob) asking them about the prices of things, asking them where to find things etc.

A little girl runs threw the mall shouting

Little girl: Im a little girl!

That Dude In The Suede walks by with a bag full of Anime stuff he goes to a window full of Suede jackets and checks them out. The manikins are all dressed identical to both him and each other.

 

The mall is a place full of people such as RayofHope3579 or madaskueuchiha or kornersphere or Blindworldproduction, friends and family of the Nerd or the critic. Or DJ Helsing, batneko, backoftheclass, Goldentusk, the how it should have happened guy, Ask a Ninja, other people from the internet. etc. any one not used here will be used in the airport in the next scene.

 

The mall sells Spoony Ice cream a mercent greats some one

Merchant: Greetings stranger what are you buying?

 

Movie poster spoofs hanging in the mall in the back ground, all the posters feature spoony.

Paw, goggles, 8-bit Mickey, the Epic Fail guy, and a few are shopping and in an elevator. Paw starts to comment about the elevator music.

We pass a store that sells Linkara hats.

We take a DDR dance break, eat at the food court, do a whole shop till you drop 80s montage. Showing all sorts of mall type activities in dance.

 

Nella: oh no we have no way of getting home with all this stuff!

Just then there is a random musical scene that has no merit in terms of plot, is very over the top and silly, and is oddly never explained or mentioned ever. Two big lipped Alligators show up at the end of the song for no reason but thankfully they are there because they become the only thing that will transport the girls home threw the thick blinding snow.

The girls sit on them and put there bags on the back ends of the beasts and ride them home.

The Alley (3rd time)

They ride through the Alley, passing Chester and ignore him and his begging.

Chester: Change please change…Oh an alligator, I used to be an alligator once. Change…um matches!

The Air Port

 

Pull out from the Alley and pan past the critic’s home to the other side of the town , then across the ocean to a distant air port ware every other internet personality has gathered to head home by airplane to there families for Christmas. Female spoony is here and so is the family and president, from Kikassia along with other internet icons and channel awesome characters.

Airport PA: Ground control to Major Tom, please pick up the white courtesy phone, Ground control to Major Tom, please pick up the white courtesy phone.

 

We see a lot of familiar faces Spoony is enjoying a pat down at a security check point, ware people keep finding the strangest things on him. Such as his robot, a gunblade, a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle, A Dr. Insaino magic nullifier with dangly thing, etc Linkara and Liz, MarzGurl, and Film Brain have already made it threw the check point and are waiting for spoony to follow them. The Cinema Snob, The Happy Video game Nerd and the Video Game Historian and Sage, are in line behind Spoony getting restless.

Airport security guy removes a robot from Spoony’s back pack and puts it threw the x-ray then keeps taking other things out and scanning them as well.

Sage: Hurry it up Spoony we don’t got all day.

Cinema snob: why did you pack that stuff any way? You know its not carry on.

The airport security guard pull out Ryo-ohki who hops away some place.

After finishing his putdown Spoon and the others walk off.

Sage: these Airport clowns are just going around feeling people up, its almost as bad as those Yaoi fan-fics I keep getting sent to me

Snob: or like those bad promo movies I review I keep waiting for the cheesy music to kick in.

Spoony: Well I enjoyed it. It was kind of fun.

(awkward)

Spoony: so what’s every one doing for Christmas? Im flying over to The Nostalgia critic’s house for a big party.

Snob: I got an invite too.

Sage: So did I.

Linkara: I got one too it says Bring your own comic books

Liz: I got mine some place

MarzGurl: looks like we all got invited to the same party doesn’t it ?

Film Brain: I got invited too Im excited! This is going to be the best Christmas ever!

Linkara(looks at his watch) Well we have time before the flight lets hit some stores and come back here in ten.

The others nod and split up. In the background other channel awesome members are also arriving.

Some characters take time to shop at gift shops, Linkara picks up a copy of Revolution of the Mask off a magazine rack and thumbs threw it then makes cretin the whole rack is only that comic series.

Cinema Snob goes to try some wired foods

Sage tries to pick up some cute girls

Sage: If sex was a flavor, ladies, I would be diet.

Spoony stops by the bathroom ware he encounters Lars the professional asswiper.

Film Brain walks past a flight attendant.

Flight attendant: Sir, is your name Film Brian?

Film Brain: well yah but its actually Film Brain.

Flight attendant: Yes Mr. Film Brian, I have your passport.

Film Brain: let me see that

He reads it

Film Brain: see that got it wrong it says Brian not Brain Im Film Brain.

Flight attendant: Sorry Mr. Brian We’ll have a new one made up for you right away.

She walks off and comes back, handing him a new passport.

Film Brain: Now it says Flan Brain!

Little Miss gamer and JesuOtaku look around the gift and cards shop and stand around looking cute.

MarzGurl rifles threw travel brochures

Film Brain grabbers a fresh pretzel he eats it

Fillm Brain: Man that was a good Pretzel

HCBaily: But your still hungry .

 

After a short shopping break they meet up.

Film Brain: say lets make the best of things and start the party early!

MarzGurl: I got my CD player!

Liz: I got the tunes, lets rock the lobby.

They slip in a CD and have a peanuts style dance party while waiting for the planes to take off. (playing “Linus and Lucy”)

 

Critic’s house 1

Transition to the Critic, Nerd, Kyle Justin, Nostalgia Chick, Nella, nostalgia cat, and there friends and family

 

nostalgia cat: This is going to be a fun Christmas dinner! I can’t wait till all our friends show up.

Critic: Your right nostalgia cat Christmas is truly a time to spend with friends.

Chick: can some one pass me the candy canes?

Nerd’s wife: there right here Nostalgia Chick!

Hummel figure: I got the chest nuts all fresh, roasted and ready to enjoy!

Nella looks over at the TV and cries out  
The Nerd’s cat sleeps on top of this TV set.   
The chick’s husband or boy friend stands in the background

Rob is there also, watching

Nella: Come quick! Its on the news!

As the Nerd/critic group watch the news, so do the Airport group.

 

News fresh from G4 TV networks

News reporter: M. Night Shyamalan’s new movie will be called “The Life of Santa Christ” It will be Tommy Wiseau and executive produced by Peter Safran and George Lucas, Produced by William Shatner and directed by Shyamala, Uwe Boll, Michael Bay, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. It’ll star Tommy Wiseau, Megan Fox, Jennifer Aniston, Shaquille O'Neal ,Adam Sandler, Jack Black, Will Ferrell , Pauly shore , Yahoo Serious, and Carrot Top as Santa Christ. Brodsky will be writing the comic book witch will be published by powerhouse Image comics and will be inked by skilled artist, Rob   
Liefeld ,Fred Fuchs and LJN Entertainment will release the video game based on the movie the week before Christmas, every one go buy one! It’ll be this year’s number one selling gift item! Go right now and buy one before stores run out! If I were you I would line up and camp out starting now because things people say on the news are never wrong, this WILL be the number one item on all your kids wish lists this year!

Every one looks horrified.

Critic: My GOD NO!

Nerd: They Wouldn’t

Nella: They Did

(at the air port watching same news)

Linkara: They did!

Linkara’s Robot : Danger, danger!

Spoony : It’s the end of the world!

Spoony’s robot freaks out. As does the robots from MST3K and Linkara’s robot.

(back at the house)

TGWTG : We must stop this sin against nature or all will be doomed, doomed I say DOOMED!

Critic: What am I worried about? This movie will come out after my cutoff date I’ll never have to review it!

Nerd: Don’t you get it some day in 10 or 20 years from now when we are old and gray and still reviewing, this movie, this awful horrible shitty movie, comic and the game that comes with it…in 10 years or so, it’ll be retro! (he shakes the critic desperately trying to get him to understand) We’ll HAVE to review it!

Critic: My God your right! We have to stop it!

Chick: Even if we do nothing this movie, that game, the comic, the combined shittyness of all of them, will drive every one gullible enough to think they MUST have it because the news lady said to get it, those poor delusional souls will drive them selves to madness and commit suicide! It’ll be the end of the human race , the end of chrisms! The only survivors will be those who for some reason didn’t expose them selves to such low grade unspeakable tripe!

Adam west: Those fiendish devils!

 

Nella: The bad movie! It burns! My brain will never be the same again! Please don’t make me watch the movie!

Chick: There’s not going to be a movie!

Critic: that’s right because WE are going to stop them from making it!

Nerd: I will not sacrifice the our loyal fans. We've made too many compromises already; too many retreats. Shitty games, Shitty movies, bad comic books, bad actors, they invade our reviews and we fall back. They ruin our sanity and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! And We will make them pay for what they've done.

 

Kyle : does any one have a car?

Rob: no (while all the others shake there heads no too.

Critic: Well then To The Nearest most convenient form of public transpiration!

Batman dissolve to

Else ware, the head talks to Captain S, Lunk, Becky and Stacey filling them in also on what’s happened, putting them on the team up and save Christmas mission. They head to unite with the others.

The head: Captain S the whole world is in danger, minds more diabolical then any video game villain you have ever faced have teamed up to ruin Christmas you must help the Nostalgia critic and his friends save the world!

Captain S: Have no fear my friends and I are ready fro any thing!

At the airport,   
Every one is all fired up to go help save Christmas, but by now its snowed so deep that the airplanes cant get off the ground. No one can go any place.

The cockpit:

Caboose : um Sheila can you get the plain to move please? It would be a huge help to every one if we could all please go home for the holidays?

Sheila: I am Sorry Caboose but the pilot and co- pilot have both ordered me to stay grounded because of the snow.

The pilot and co- pilot are Shit Pickle and Neck Bone, who can only say there own names and can’t actually fly an airplane.   
Giggled the fraggle and Little miss gammer’s puppet are also there.

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle Shit Pickle Shit Pickle!

Neck Bone: Neck Bone Neck Bone Neck Bone?

The Airport 2 interior:

Linkara starts narrating things until people get annoyed by him and ask him to stop

Linkara: It was a cold and snowy night our intrepid heroes were trapped with in the terminal, snow so deep it was as high as an elephants eye ellipsis so could ellipsis that it could freeze a penguin’s spit before it touched the ground, all hope was lost, the world seemed doomed ! doomed to suffer from this cruel trick of fate plaid by mother nature, as if the god of all weather was on the side of the enemy, the wind howled, the snow danced across the window like a 1,000

All: Shut up!

Little miss gamer kneels and bends down begging at his feet.

Little miss gamer : I’ll do any thing just please stop narrating out loud!

Film Brain : and you don’t say ellipsis out loud whenever they pop up in a sentence !

Video Game Historian: ellipsis are an indication of a dramatic pause not a form of explanation you speak aloud!

Video game take out guy: (stands at a McDonalds or some thing) Yes I would like some take out please.

A small boy runs around the airport if possible voiced by SirRonLionHeart or if not by some one else.

Little boy: “ I’m a little boy! I’m a little boy! Ha ha ha!

 

Video game take out guy: Hey A cookie!

Reaches to grab cookie

Arnold: PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN! (breaks in to song harassing cookie eaters)

Linkara: Man look at all that snow there will be no going any place now. We’re stuck in the airport!

Sage: We know! Stop saying that out loud!

Spoony: Have no fear Linkara, I’ll save the day let me work my charms on the staff here.

Spoony walks past one of the many people in the crowd, HCBailly.

HCBailly: Hey, how’s it going?

Linkara: We’re stuck and there’s no way to get home.

HCBailly: I know man, I have to get home and feed the kitties! Does any one know who’s in charge around here?

veteran0121: Ah no clue man but it looks like Spoony’s got things under control.

Spoony walks up to the help desk

Spoony: Excuse me, Miss?

Yunakitty: He there can I help you?

Spoony: Yah can you tell me when the planes will be aloud to take off?

Yunakitty: Sorry sir, no planes will be leaving any time soon Im afraid Its because of the snow.

SirRonLionHeart: Hey Lady, man, thing do you know when the planes will be taking off?

Yunakitty: Sorry like I said to the man the planes are not going anyware.

SirRonLionHeart: Oh you already said that to the man, person, thing, oh wow sorry to bother you HA ha ha Fantastic! Oh Farwell you fantastic creature of the night!

Spoony: aw come on miss give us some thing I’ll make it worth your effort, show you the true meaning of spooning if you can just get us off the ground. You know do your thing, pull some strings and I’ll take you out back and show you my cock pit, We’ll get more then just the plane off the ground if you know what I mean. I’ll even invite my friends and you can get there propellers moving…Im sure a hot babe like you can find it in her heart to do me just one little favor.

Yunakity: sorry I gots me a husband. Bye!

Spoony: Yah man sounds like the planes are going no place.

Little Miss Gamer : Aw man now we’re stuck here!

 

Board James: fear not every one! I have hours of fun wholesome family entertainment! Any one up for The ghostbusters 3D board game? Or maybe heroscape? Or stratego!?

JesuOtaku: Oh Statego!

Little Miss gamer: I have my Simon with me!

Spoony: Ghostbusters!

Epic Fail guy: Heroscape?

Sage: Any one up for Strip Uno?

Snob: or maybe some high stakes cabbage?

Film Brain: any one have tidily winks? Or pick up sticks?

HCBailly” There has to be way out of this place…I know maybe we can find a SECRET PASSAGE! Linkara go climb threw the baggage shoot, Veteran and I will sneak threw the employ lounge!

Linkara: How’s a secret passage going to help?

HCBailly: Well it works in video games

 

Board James: I never wanted to be a reviewer , out here stuck in the snow, what I really want to be is a dentist…

 

SirRonLionHeart: Ah this snow! If only my Heavy metal motor cycle from the future wasn’t frozen in the snow!

Suddenly,

Benzaie and Beary show up along with Benzaie’s girl friend or wife or some thing. . Beary, since it’s a cartoon, is a full sized adult bear and pulls a magic sled, he’ll fly every one to Hollywood to stop the bad movie from being made.

Benzaie: Have no fear Benzaie and Beary are here!

Beary: Oh watch ware you steer me Benzaie! I do not want to crash in to that window like last time!

Linkara: Bear!

Sage: Saved! By a French guy?

Film Brain: and a bear!

SirRonLionHeart: Oh Yes! It’s a French man person guy and a bear! Oh I love bears there fantastic creatures of the night!

MarzGurl: who would have ever imagined!

HCBaily: Deus Ex Machina!

Game historian: Well actually I have some very fascinating historical facts about the French and times of war. Did you know…  
PeanutButterGamer: Save the history lesson! Lets get out of here!   
VideoGameTakeOut: to the Bear mobile!   
Happy video game Nerd: boy this turn of events makes me happy!  
meekakitty: Come on lets go save the day!   
Benzaie: Isn’t my Sled pretty Dam sweet?

HCBailly: A magic bare and a sled, sure, makes perfect sense to me! And of curse a bunch of people who just met are going to help each other out to save the world even though they have no reason to, absolutely.   
Happy video game Nerd: it sure is! Every one get on!   
HCbaily: every one on the sled? Is this a but though must situation?

ProtonJonSA, Lanzer, WhitemageSerenia, Strong Bad, the numa numa guy and EVERY ONE all rush to the one sled and all pile on till it tips over. The Sled is comically weighed with way more people then can fit on it, resembling a Police Academy 4 movie poster. 100s have dog piled on to each other, some people hang off the edge, griping on to the sides and straddling the rungs, some are trapped , sandwiched between others, limbs crushing against sensitive body parts.   
leroy Jenkins: leroy Jenkins !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

leroy Jenkins runs threw the shot and keeps running and goes off screen and crashes in to some thing.

leroy Jenkins: ow

HCBailly: Lets fly! Northern Hooooo!!!

PeanutButterGamer: This will never work! I can’t move, the sled is too heavy and my hand is trapped pressed against some one’s ass!

Spoony: This great! All of us close together, I even have some one’s hand pressed against my Ass!

Litle Boy: Im a little boy!

Film Brain: this isn’t going to work, with all of us on Beary will never get past that snow bank!

MarzGurl: oh GOD! Some on just farted!

Sage : Sorry that was me. Hey who’s head am I grabbing?  
JesuOtaku; mine and its NOT my head!

Sage: Sorry.

Snob: Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Linkara: I feel violated

Little Miss Gamer: Sorry Linkara.

 

Board James: All those years playing twister is finally paying off.

 

Benzaie: But Wait this is not working every one who is not with either Channel Awesome or an affiliated website, get off!

Once the correct number of passengers are off, the Sled flies and those on it have more room. They take to the skies and fly to Hollywood.

 

Veteran0121: Aw we’re getting left behind? Well back to the airport.

HCBailly: Better then a sharp stick in the eye.

SirRonLionHeart: Fair the well you fantastic creatures of the night Fair the well!

The Alley: final

Back in the states, The critic, the Nerd, the chick, TGWTG and the side kicks are running to catch a bus or cab or some thing to Hollywood to stop the movie from being made. They trip over Chester A Bum who ahs frozen to death.

 

Critic: Chester!

Chick: is he dead ?

Nerd: Im afraid so…

Chick: Oh no!

TGWTG: No not Chester! He was so kind and sweat and lovable.

Critic: Every one loved him. even me…He always asked me for change, to witch I would reply, get a job you bum….but when I said it I ment it with heart!

TGWTG: I called him a twit! Oh lord why couldn’t it have been me! It should have been me! He died so young!

Nerd: Chester is gone. Chester will no longer talk, no longer laugh, cry… or get angry… What about us… what are WE supposed to do? What about my pain? My fingers are tingling. My mouth is dry. My eyes are burning!

Nella cries on the chick’s shoulders.

Critic: there’s only one thing we can do….

TGWTG: Good night sweet prince…

They brush him off and have a dramatic cry over him

Nerd plays Amazing Grace on the harmonica

Critic: of all the bums on all the street corners, of my friend I can only say this you were the most, human.

 

There tears fall do nothing to bring him back. Apparently crying to resurrect the dead with a single tear only works in the movies.

 

TGWTG: Well I got nothing left

Chick: Crying always brings people back to life in the movies

Critic: well that didn’t work, lets go.

Nerd: yah we tried our best. To California.

Kid from the Wizard: California?

Critic punches the kid in to orbit

Chick: Hey the bus! Any one have exact change?

The team give up and leave the body in the ice and go on a bus to Hollywood. That’s when Santa Christ shows up and revives Chester. The two also go off to Hollywood.

Chester: Change Mr. you got change?

Santa Christ: Ho ho ho! I got some thing better for you Chester A Bum then change, but 1st we have to strop that God awful movie from ruining my reputation! Come!

The evil hide out

In a swamp some place the legion of doom rises from the swamp! But we go past that to a castle on the hill on a stormy night, past that to a straw cottage in a meadow surrounded by flowers and deer. In side we find a gathering of villains plotting. General Zod, M. Bison, Joker’s brother, That internet commenter who always points out Doug’s mistakes, the glitch Gremlin, Dr. Smith and his spiders, Evil Linkara, the comic book monster, Linkara’s other enemies, black lantern spoony, Dark Paw, Lord Vice and his troops, Chester the Gester, the floor, cedric the owl, Son of Insano, Tidus, Squall, the gate keither , the gate cleaner, fu man chu, Dr. Ashton, Zombie 23, lordkat’s psychologist, Terl, pumpkin head, NES, Game Genie , wii fit, teddy ruxpin, Dr. Willy, Dr. Jeckle, Freddy, Jason, Super Nintendo Man, bugs bunny, the secret agent who arrests people fro downloading ROMs, a few more evil descepticons, the Simon, Judas Liz, Mr. Bucket, Sumo Ninja,, a zombie, Ryku, the grass, the floor, and evil Japanese guy, mortal kombat villains, soundwave, the demon arimon who sent jewwario back in time, every villain and bad guy ever from every show . They plot the take over of Christmas…but a nagging motherly voice interrupts there plans and these plans go no place.

Open on shot of Dramatic chipmunk then pan past a long ,long, long table full of every villain you can think of till we reach Zod.

Rodger, the dead guardian angle now turned devil to get revenge for being shot in the head and killed, is doing a cross word puzzle.

Rodger: I need a 4 letter word, A TV star who plaid a doctor Blank Patrick Harris

Zod: Neil !

Rodger: Thanks and an American singer-songwriter. Blank Diamond

 

Zod: Neil !!

Rodger: Thanks Five Down, an American aviator and a former astronaut, test pilot Blank Armstrong.

Zod: Neil !!!

 

Dr. Smith : general Zod I have the minuets from last knights meeting s….

Zod: KNEEL!!!!!

Dr. Smith (knees) Sorry my Lord…

Rodger: 1965 Tony Award for Best Author - The Odd Couple Blank Simon.

 

Zod: Why don’t you take a flipping guess you ignorant….worthless…

Rodger: I’ll just put down Paul….

Zod: Say why are you on the side of Evil? Weren’t you an Angel? There like the opposed of evil?

Rodger: I was shot in the head….  
He points and shows the wound still there.

 

Zod: Greetings villains of planet Huston I am pleased to see you all hear and willing to Kneel before me Zod the all powerful. Today we will discuss ways to make all humanity suffer ! Any suggestions?

Dr.Smith : Spiders! We can let loose spiders! Spiders every ware….

Zod: Does this idea involve people Kneeling before me?

Dr. Smith: Well, no but it has spiders

Zod: Some one bring me an idea that involves Kneeling!

Glitch Gremlin: I could hit them with me glitches and they would all be standing still unable to move even they would look weird and..

Zod: I do not like this plan Standing in its essence is the very opposed of kneeling! Bring me an idea that involves kneeling!

Dr. Insano (kneeling) : I know we can take over Christmas with the power of science! I’ll use my robot grabby things to build a giant doom ray in the shape of a candy Cain and we’ll use it to melt the north poll! There will be global flooding and very one will have to buy life rafts and little rubber floaties from Me Dr. Insaino!!

Game Genie : And then we can rob Captain S of his code and gain control of all games all over the world, Ma Mweh Mweh ha ha ha bah baah baaah ha ha!

Dr. Jeckle: We can set the whole town against that nerd! He’ll be walking to church one day and suddenly people will come form no place to fuck him up for no reason and we’ll give him a useless stick to defend him self with, He’ll suffer like he’s never suffered before!

Dr. Wiley: we’ll use my newest latest robots

Dr. Insaino: No no no use MY robots they are far more sciencey!

Game Genie: I will not have you unleashing your infernal cyber squirrels insaino last time it all went wrong, they went down my pants looking for nuts.

Mecha Linkara: We need a plan that is fool proof and can not fail, one that this sorry excuse for a scientist did not come up with. One that involved me ripping the skin off of that annoying Linkara and speeding it flat like a rug before my fire place.

Internet troll’s mom: Oh deer can you come out here I need help with my bunion pads!

Internet troll: not right now Mother Im with my friends!

Hold it right there Mecha Kara you may be the ultimate adaptive weapon but you have never been a match for Linkara what you need is to

Troll’s mom: NOW my feat are getting pussy (as in filled with puss) and itch!

Troll: Yes mother coming right away…

Dark Paw: I saw we take every one’s memories and lock them away in crystals

Zod: that’s your answer to every thing

Joker’s Brother I say we take knives to Santa and his Elves and we carve smiles on to there buts! And then ask them Why is your but smiling? And then they won’t have an answer because there buts and buts don’t smile and I’ll lean in real close and say WHY SO VOID OF EMOTION! No, no, no, that won’t work, it doesn’t sound right. let me think”

Lordkat’s Psychiatrist: Very interesting so does that make you feel angry?

Bugs Bunny: Na we should fill all those little bastards gift boxes with TNT so when they open them up they would all blow the fuck up! Blooie!

Squall : …. (said in a text box)

Squall facepalms.

Ttidus: we should hit them with 1000 blitzballs dropped from airplanes flying over head!

Zod: No think! I want people to kneel not die!

Insaino: That’s what Science is for! I’ll put a spiraling hypnotic thingy on the moon and make every one look up at it then once under my control I’ll tell them to By Dr. Insano’s new Gravity distorter, it’ll change the flow of gravity so that it forces all who use it to kneel and do nothing but kneel! Bwa ha ha ha!

Zod: Well at some point I do want to have them stop kneeling and work in as my slaves….

Judas Liz: We can let loose a swarm of evil bees!

Batman: my God bees.

 

Rodger: what we need is to destroy the one thing people love most, make them feel so depressed that we can replace there emptiness with any holiday we make up!

Insaino: destroy what people love most? What like Ipods?

Mecha kara: or Movies directed by Tim Burton and staring Johnny Depp?

Dr. Smith : or spiders?

Black Lantern Spoony: good art work, writing and continuity in comic books and films?

Internet troll: pointing out mistakes and errors to people who already know what they did wrong?

Glitch Gremlin: Reality tv shows about angry people?

 

Rodger: No! what people love most, what we must destroy is Christmas!

Zod: 1st we will take over Christmas and then, the world!

M Bison: Of curse!

Zod: Deploy!

Internet Troll’s Mom: Hey Whose going to take out the trash?

Zod: AFTER we take out the trash……

 

The Bus (it’s a white bus with pink wheals)

Critic and others and a few new characters ride the bus and discuss things

Old woman: Who the Hell are you

Critic: My name is Doug but Im better known as the host of a popular web TV series

Old man: I know the one he’s talking about that Funny kid with the girl friend Mayo some thing.

Old woman: no it’s the dog from that movie about the balloons

Old man: No Im cretin he’s that Funny boy

Critic: What are you, dense? Are you retarded or something? I'm the Goddamn Nostalgia Critic!!!!!!!

 

Angry Joe’s house:

Angry Joe is trying to enjoy his stolen dead murdered Christmas tree when he sees the gang fly bye on the magic bear sled.

Angry Joe: Hey! Ware is every one going?

Linkara: To take down the most deadly writers and directors in existence and save the world by preventing a bad movie.

Angry Joe: Does it involve wanton destruction?

Linkara: One can only hope.

Angry Joe: Oh boy count me in!

 

Spoony: sorry man no room on the sled

 

Angry Joe: dam there must be a way….

 

His eyes catch sight of a Mega Robot.

 

(after a few scenes cut back to Joe and friends arguing over whose turn it is to drive the robot and fighting over what switches do what functions.)

Hollywood

Every one arrives in Hollywood and they relies they all have the same plan, to stop the director. They all rush off.

 

Critic: Good every one is here. I assume then you all heard the news?

Beary: I can say for cretin every one is hear I just cared them all on this sled and man some of you need a diet bad.

Benzaie: Yah man you guys have to cut back on the American food.

Linkara: Hey don’t you all look at me.

Snob: I can’t remember when the last time was I had American food.

 

Little Miss Gamer thrusts her hips out : Do I look fat to you?

JesuOtaku: No way you look perfect girlfriend if any ones packing the pounds its those two.

She points to Nella and Chick

Chick and Nella: Hey

Captain S and friends arrive transported threw a TV set

Becky: Are we late?

Captain S: did we miss any thing?

Head: No your right on time gamer now get out there and help those reviewers for great justice!

Lee from still gaming slides out of a fax machine in his 2D form

Lee: Sucks to be 2D for this fight but it was the fastest way here when beary left with out me.

He stands up and wobbles, in 2D form you can see him fold and you can see his back side is completely blank. He also has amazing Origami powers.

Sage: This Bickering is pointless what is now important is that we each have ultimate weapons. I suggest we use them.

Nerd: Fuck yah! Time we take a dump on these ass-holes cut there dicks off and feed there dicks to Destroyah!

Critic: For Christmas!

All: For Christmas!

They each pull out there weapons and run in to the city of Hollywood.

Little Miss Gamer, MarzGurl, JesuOtaku, the chick, Nella, Becky and Stacey huddle up.

MarzGurl: Ok girls it’s a well known fact that girls can only fight if they do a long and gratuities fan service filled anime style magical girl transformation sequence.

JesuOtaku: right so every one…

ALL: Transform!

One by one each girl goes threw a long slow, sparkly, anime style magical girl transformation sequence set to magical girl style music.

Little Miss Gamer turns in to the hero from psychonauts and gains amazing fire powers. The fire blazes around her dramatically.

 

MarzGurl turns in to Sailor Mars

JesuOtaku becomes a Magic Knight Rayearth character

the chick becomes She-Ra

Nella becomes Rainbow bright riding My Little Pony

Becky becomes Arumi from magical shopping arcade, the sci-fi episode

Stacey becomes a Strike witch and looks embarrassed and confused by her new form

Stacey: Do over I demand a do over!

 

They run threw the back lots and sets and theme park rides fighting guards and robots, and head to the studio.

Santa Christ and Chester arrive out of thin air and head to a men’s suit store.

 

 

In a studio lobby

 

Chester A Bum and the critic pass in a door way. Santa Christ has cleaned Chester up, groomed him and given him a suit now he and the critic look identical and the mistake each other for a mirror image of them selves and mimic each others movements in the doorway. (though we can still tell whose who)   
Forgetting about that classic Marx Brothers joke we move on to the Directors room to stop the bad movie that would ruin Christmas. There is an epic fight.

lordkat: we’re going to fight till we win!   
CR : Right Familiar face time, lets talk about the enemy!

He sets up profiles of all there enemies and tells there bios.

M. Night Shyamalan an Indian-born American filmmaker and screenwriter, known for making movies with contemporary supernatural plots that climax with a twist ending. He’s best known for The Sixth Sense and The Village but when he made The Last Airbender a movie based on a popular cartoon series, he made it so bad that 1,000,00s of fans called for his exsiccation. The movie even got a 1 out of 10 on the angry Joe show. He went on to do Devil a film that many critics have also hated. His once good carrier has been getting steadily worse as time goes by.

Tommy Wiseau an American screenwriter, director, producer, executive producer, and "actor". He is the founder of the film production company Wiseau Films. Wiseau is best known for his film The Room which has been described as "one of the worst movies ever made" and has gained cult film status. Around our office, he’s called punching bag, he’s fun to impersonate and like a cheep hooker on Fridays there’s no one here who hasn’t done him.   
William Shatner a Canadian actor, recording artist, and author. He gained worldwide fame and became a cultural icon for his portrayal of James T. Kirk, captain of the USS Enterprise however his other movies are so bad that they gained there own month dedicated to shitty Shatner films. The man will literally appear in ANY thing. The man is a Ham so big that Michael Moore Once tried to HoneyBaked him and serve him with pineapples.   
Next we have 3 hit or miss actors who have done both good films and bad ones but more bad then good. Adam Sandler n American actor, comedian, singer, screenwriter, musician, and film producer. After becoming a Saturday Night Live cast member, Sandler went on to star in several Hollywood feature films that grossed over $100 million at the box office. He is best known for his comedic roles, such as in the films Billy Madison , Happy Gilmore , Big Daddy , and Mr. Deeds . Some of his movies have been shitty remakes of American classics with have overshadowed and buried the classics in to obscurity.   
Jack Black an American comedian, actor and musician. He makes up one half of the comedy and satirical rock duo Tenacious D. The group has two albums and full-length films. His acting career is extensive, starring primarily as bumbling, cocky, but internally self-conscious outsiders in comedy films. He was in The NeverEnding Story III, Waterworld, Bio-Dome, The Cable Guy, Mars Attacks!, Shallow Hal, Ice Age, and more notably, School of Rock, Be Kind Rewind, King Kong, Nacho Libre, Kung Fu Panda, Year One and Gulliver's Travels. He has even been considered as a possible cast member in Ghostbusters III this however being only speculation.   
Will Ferrell born July 16, 1967 an American comedian, impressionist, actor, and writer. Ferrell first established himself in the late 1990s as a cast member on the NBC sketch comedy show Saturday Night Live, and has subsequently starred in the comedy films Old School, Elf, Anchorman, Talladega Nights, Stranger than Fiction, Blades of Glory, Semi-Pro, Land of the lost, and The Other Guys Yahoo Serious is an Australian film actor, director and score composer. He is best known for his 1988 comedy Young Einstein. He also created Reckless Kelly in 1993 and Mr. Accident in 2000. Serious writes, directs, produces, stars in, and has composed the scores for his movies. Carrot Top an American comedian known for his bright red hair, prop comedy and self-deprecating humor. He stared in the movie Chairman of the Board but that’s not all, he’s also been in The Three Stooges N.Y.U.K. as Dr. Eugene Splicer, Tugger: The Jeep 4x4 Who Wanted to Fly, and Dennis the Menace Strikes Again. His prop comedy style is wacky, unpredictable, any thing can happen when he’s around.   
Gary Brodsky founder of the short-lived, 1980s independent-comics company Solson Publications, which published an issue of the T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents. He’s also the guy from Linkara’s song and a rather hard man to Google and find on Wikipedia, That’s right he is so despised, no one will even write an article on him, he’s a footnote in comics history!, Rob Liefeld , is an American comic book writer, illustrator, and publisher. A prominent artist in the 1990s, he has since become a controversial figure in the medium. He is a notoriouse bad artist. Fred Fuchs a television producer and film producer active in the United States and Canada, where he holds dual citizenship. In addition to being credited in one of the worst games of all time, his name is also fun to say. LJN Entertainment an American toy company and video game publisher. It created toy lines and video games based on movies, television shows, and celebrities. It made movie licensed games so bad, they have nothing at all to do with the movies they are about.   
Uwe Boll, a German director, producer and screenwriter, whose work includes several films adapted from video games. All of them, bad. Michael Bay His films, which include The Rock, Armageddon, Pearl Harbor and the Bad Boys and Transformers series.  
Peter Safran, known for such films as RocketMan, Scary Movie, Meet the Spartans and Vampires Suck Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are responsible for many of those same bad parody movies as well as others. Megan Fox who while sexy, is hated mostly for being in the transformers movies, Jennifer Aniston, She’s been in a lot of good movies, I don’t know why she’s here, Pauly Shore, the king of bad actors, he’s been in Encino Man, A Goofy Movie, Bio-Dome, he cultivated an alter ego persona, "The Weasel". "The Weasel" involved Shore speaking in a Jeff Spicoli-esque surfer parlance, heavily peppered with dudespeak slang e.g. "edged", "melons" and "grinding" as well as his catchphrase, "Hey, BU-DDY." Shaquille O'Neal, a great basketball player he fell in to the same trap as many sports heroes, acting, he’s known for his roles of Kazaam and Steel both, bombs And finally the mastermind behind every thing, George Lucas who had a hit with Star Wars but then got a bad reputation after making prequels to Star Wars and proving that CGI doesn’t make a movie better. George Lucas is a man so rich and so unashamed of his work he can afford to make several bad movies and not loose any profits or suffer any shame or loss of self esteem. You can say to his face, his movies suck, and he won’t care.

 

Lordkat pulls out maps and battle plans, and points out entrances and weak points.

Lordkat : We’ll come in this way, and move threw here, it’ll be hard but once we memorize there pattern we’ll be able to take them down. Now there’s a hall, here, cameras here, here and here, fuse box is here and there’s an air duct we can craw threw here and here… (fade out)

Fade in, the heroes have reached the director’s room:

This scene will be written once we have a solid idea who the enemy will be at this point…the director etc is still in debate. Feel free to post suggestions

 

MarzGurl: Your going down Shyamalan! You ruined Avatar the last Airbender! Your not ruining Santa Christ!

JesuOtaku: No MarzGurl don’t kill him! Let ME do it!

Critic: That’s right Shyamalan! You’ll pay for making a movie about a series that I never saw and refuse to review!!!! A move that was probity bad…I actually wouldn’t know , I haven’t scene it. But I hear its bad and that it does some show that I know nothing about no justice what so ever and if I did know any thing about it I probity would be mad but even so Im still pretty mad…and oh yah your ruining Christmas! What are you and your team of hack writers and directors thinking! You should be beheaded, killed and then shot for even choosing that cast!

Nerd: Screw Shyamalan! Give me Fuchs! I want his head on a platter! Video gamers to the LJN department! (nerd run off with Board James, captain S, Becky, Little Miss Gamer, Little miss gummer’s friends and her ninja, the guys from Mega64, the little miss gamer video game mascot contestants, a guinea pig, Little miss gamer’s other friends, other friends of the Video Game nerd, future Z, Lee, Sage, Happy video game nerd, video game take out guy, video game historian, lordkat and other game reviewers to fight LJN )   
Sage pulls out game controllers and swings them like medieval flails

He targets a guy and shouts: Get over here!

The condoler wraps a guy up, he pulls the guy close and pounds him with a combo.

Lee: Toasty!

Lordkat kicks the studio Gate down and leads the charge of gamers.

They take over a tram full of tourists and drive it and some golf carts to the LJN studio.

(critic and movie fans charge to attack the movie staff)

M. Night Shyamalan who from here out will be known as the director, calls upon the cast of the last Airbender, the Devil, the happening, the village, signs, and the sixths sense.

 

Cole Sear: I see soon to be dead people!

Film Brain: Symbolism! He charges in to the fight and is ambushed by clones of Wolverine from the X-men

Film Brain (runs away) Wolverines!

Linkara looks at Brodsky threw binoculars.

Linkara: You magnificent Bastard, I READ YOUR BOOK! And I hated every page of it.

Tommy Wiseau punches the chick hard in the face

Chick: You hit me! You hit me in the face!

Tommy : You are lying! I never hit you! You are tearing me apart, Lindsay!

Chick: good idea!

She pulls out her sword of power and slices Tommy up.

Tommy: You betrayed me...Hi Doggy! (then he dies)

Shatner sends a bunch of red shirts to fight, these become the generic thugs that keep getting killed in generic background fights. He also tosses tribbles at people.

Phelous a bunch of mortal kombat fighters and optimus prime take on more extras.

Adam Sandler, Jack Black, Will Ferrell , Pauly shore , Yahoo Serious Uwe Boll, Michael Bay , Peter Safran, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, Jennifer Aniston all take on various internet characters.

 

Shaquille O'Neal starts tossing basket balls and other sports equipment at different people. When people try to punch him, there all too short to hit him in the face and he just holds them back.

 

In a parking Lot, Insano is looking for his mega robot and complaining about his lost keys.

Dr Insano: Now ware did I put those damn keys? Knew I should have gotten the club for mega death robots.

 

Angry Joe and chriss show up in a mecha robot brining with him Coldguy , CR, The Distressed Watcher, Film Conscience, Mike J, Nash, Obscurus Lupa, Paw Dugan, Phelous, Rap Critic , S.G., Ed Glaser, Todd In The Shadows , Gordon Smuder, Julien Diaz and Skitch, Vangelus, Rollo T, Y ruller of time, JewWario, Coldguy, Handsome Tom, Nerd to the 3rd, goggles, Guru Larry & Wez and there puppet friends, , Dena Natali , EricPowerup, Happy Harry ,Hope within Chaos, cat, Kalan Vazquez, Dr. Gonzo, that girl who hangs out with Lee, that girl who hangs out with Paw, Aussie, The Last Angry Geek, Team Four Star, MasakoX , Lanipator, 8-bit Mickey, That Dude in the Suede, Y Ruler of Time, The Burger king, Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 B.C 4.0 Beta, Beary, casper, the Elephant in the room, big lipped alligators,lars the ass whippier, lordkat’s ninja friend, ProtonJonSA, Lanzer, DJ Helsing, Batneko, HCBaily, Veteran0121, Yunakity, the family from Molossia and its leader, WhitemageSerenia, Strong Bad,, 80s dan and friends, Phelous’ friends, the numa numa guy, Ma-Ti, Bargo, Subzero and other mortal combat characters, Darth Vader, Chad vader, Klingon spoony, pyramid head, Mario, Jewwario’s Japanese friend, Jdub, the guy in the black hat, elite beat agent, SadPanda, randome dinosaur headed guy, RayofHope3579, madaskueuchiha, kornersphere, Blindworldproduction, backoftheclass, Goldentusk, the how it should have happened guy, Ask a Ninja, the red vs blue team, SirRonLionHeart, the Warrior, Fraser and the gang from video gaming is awesome ,MasaKox, Link, navi, dragon fighter guy, bigs , wedge, luigie, happy video game nerd’s detective friend, solid snake, a bunch of transformers, the critical marine, little kuriboh, Kirbopher, Skitch, coldguy, could guy’s aunt, Kelso, Paw’s sister, Domo Kun, Delcey Barton, Deneise shuler, Ben Phillon, Owen, Welshy, Luke Mochrie, Quatoria, Exploding Rabbit, professor otaku, Todd in the shadows, mudkips, Pushing up roses, Rosie, the Hummel, Jared, Andy, Apollo Z. Hack, optumus prime ,froger, prof. Celluloid, a masked wrestler, resident evil characters, the Addams family, the Nerd’s monster, Itsmyyard, MikeJ and his sock puppet, any one new to the team and any other obscure characters, and several others. He bursts threw a glass window epically guns blazing and shooting people with out knowing whose side he’s attacking or why.

Angry Joe: Death from above!

 

Shaquille O'Neal, dressed like Kazam and armed with steel’s sledge hammer, looks up and gets shot by Joe then crushed by the arm of the mega robot.

 

Goggles does her magical girl transformation and becomes Lucca from Chrono Trigger

Obscurus Lupa transforms in to Pretty Sammy.

Batneko : Shazam!

She turns in to lilith aensland

Yunakitty turns in to Rydia

 

Todd in Shadows melts in and out of showdown corners just lurking.

The Warrior: The Warrior will crush you Hulk Hogan! You think you can defeat The Warrior when The Warrior fights by the power of Destrucity!!?! Skronk! Slap in to a slim Jim! I need scissors 61 !

He punches out some random thugs then picks up angry Joe , loads him on to a cross brow and fires Joe at the last Airbender cast.

Joe: Your movie sucked!

Linkara punches a guy threw the chest : because Im a man!

Linkara then uses a magic coin to summon a truck to run people over…or to grow big or some thing.

Linkara: Extreme!

The girls have M night in the fatal position crying while they kick him in the cut and face.

 

As Warrior and Joe pummeled the bad actors the real cast of Avatar watch from TV at home.

 

Real Aang watched fake Aang get punched: Now THIS is good entertainment.

Spoony face off with Cole Sear

Spoony: your going to be dead people! He shoots the kid with a gunblade and takes on the cast of M nights other movies.

JewWario and Mario shoot fire balls at enemies.

Bargo stands back to back with Ma-Ti

Bargo: Man you’re a sexy guy, do you ever get the ladies?

Ma-Ti: Me? Nah, Im not popular with any body, Im so alone.

Bargo: Man up little dude you need to get out there and be confident, score your self an Asian chick or some thing. Your too good looking not to snag a chick.

Ma-Ti is attacked by a guy, he shouts : Heart

The guy falls over.

Bargo punches a fist threw a guy and rips out a spleen : Spleen!

Carrot top faces the Critic, he tries to look all bad ass.

Critic: Your going down Top! You never made a good movie your whole life!

Carrot top: brining it on blow hard!

Critic kicks Top in the balls but hurts his foot

Carrot top pulls out a metal jock strap with the face of a nutcracker : Its my new prop an anti-nutcracker toe cracker do you like it?

He hits critic in the face with it.

Critic: Is that the best you can do?

Carrot top: well, I do have my baseball bat

Critic: a baseball bat? Please that is such a cliché over used weapon in both games and movies

Carrot top pulls out a base ball with bat wings and tosses it.

 

Critic: BAAAAAT!!!!!!

It bites him on the nose and won’t let go.

Mako in heaven: Get him Carrot top get him!

 

George Carlin: No my money’s on the Critic. Go man teach that red headed punk a lesson!

Back on Earth

That Dude in the Suede takes Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell taking them both out. Adam Sandler makes a dive for his magical universal remote control but dude steps on it and breaks it.

That dude: why do you guys only do good movies occasionally!?

Critic jumps carrot top

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer movie characters join the fight.

Jewwario is cornered by evil catgirls, he’s reluctant to fight them and takes a few hits but finally strikes back.

 

Jack Black who is dressed as , Nacho Libre and armed with a rock N roll guitar, is bashed in the head by Kyle. Kyle then takes on the cast of Kung Fu Panda.

Todd in the Shadows stretches out his hands and engulfs his opponents in shadows, like Raven form Teen Titans.

Kyle: You are such a hit and miss actor! Now apologize for and Gulliver's Travels!

Rob takes down Yahoo Serious

That dude: So Critic some battle huh? Heard you had an epic battle in a small micro-nation while I was away. Howd that go did we win?

Critic: We don’t talk about that…ever.

That dude: and that message on my answering machine, It’s time…I don’t get it?

Critic : like I said I don’t like being reminded of that.

A Katamari Damacy ball hunts down Indiana Jones

 

Board James tosses game pieces, cards and dice at Uwe Boll

Michael Bay gets taken down by CR

Mike J sipps tea and casualy walks over the fallen boddies and walks over to Film brain whose punching a guy repetavly in the face.

Mike J: Nedd help there old chum?

Film brain : Im fine.

He punches the guy again speeking then punching then speeking: Sym-bol-ism!

Peter Safran, who flies around in a jet pack blasting people, gets defeated by Goggles

Paw takes out Jason Friedberg by throwing a chop.

Spoony rides a hang glider and kicks Aaron Seltzer who screams like a little girl.

Joe shoots Jennifer Aniston then says to Shatner: I’ll let YOU live if you promise to ONLY to Star Trek and stop doing other movies.

Shatner nods and runs away.

Pauly Shore attacks with the cast of Encino Man and Bio Dome and he charges in while ridding The Weasel

Pauly Shore: Time to die BU-DDY!

 

Yunakitty : Kick him in the teeth! She kicks a guy in the teeth and turns to face another.

Ma-Ti: Heart! Heart! Heart!

A heart beam hits The Weasel and it bucks Pauly Shore out a window.

Pauly Shore while falling: Remember me for my good movies!

A large thud is heard

Lee jumps on a turtle and kicks the shell in to some guys , then another guy cuts his arm off.

Lee: Tape! Some one get me some tape!

Critic gets tossed in to a fish tank.

Critic :That’s a lot of fish..

Nostalgia cat pulls him out and eats the fish

Lee has his arm taped back on and origami’s his 2D self in to a paper air plane and flies around cutting people.

Batneko runs around yelling: Shazam! Shazam!

Each time she says Shazam a bolt hits a thug and transforms him in to a girl and he falls defeated. When she zaps girls they turn in to guys and also run off.

The Hummel figure unleashes the 1000s of souls of the dammed from her babushka.

Pushing up roses: Rage Fail Quit!

As she shouts she her tattoos come to life and fight for her.

TGWTG shoots people with his robotic penis

Critic punches out JarJar Binks and Indiana Jones’s Son

Critic: I hate you I hate you I hate your movies!

Howard the pirate swings in and kicks some but.

HCBaily jabs a stick in a guys eye: Have a Sharp Stick in the eye!

Spoony goes nuts with a lightsaber cutting in to people. He takes on 15 people at once. His robot and Linkara’s robot back him up with laser blasts.

Elephant in the room beats up more guys bashing them by holding one guy in his trunk and swinging him around.

Megan Fox attacks Linkara with a small transformer, the one from the 2nd movie who became her partner

Linkara punches its guts out

He then blasts Megan Fox: And also your proportions are all wrong!   
He tosses the defeated transformer at her, it smacks in to her breasts and she falls over.

Linkara next turns to face Brodsky and Liefeld

Linkara : Brodsky, you're not the smartest (he punched Brodsky)  
Liefeld, you're not an artist! (he shoots Liefeld)  
(Then he’s confronted by a Cybernetic bear.) It’s Morphing time! (he powers up to the white costume.

 

Back at the LJN fight Nerd is dressed in his Nintendo battle gear kicking ass when they see the LJN all star line up coming at them.

Happy vide game nerd: look Aliens, Freddy Jacen, Marty McFly, Bill and Ted, Beetlejuice, The Karate Kid,Spiderman, the X-men, the terminator, Rodger Rabbit!

Benzaie: and a twister and the Twister brought Jaws!

Nerd: Ok guys time to use LJN’s most deadly and unstoppable weapon! Hula hoops!

Every one starts to hula hoop.

The news cast of G4 and X-pay watch along with them is Drunk Uncle Ted, Fax bear, Portal Dave and a number of lesser known characters.

Olivia: Think we should help them? I mean it was our news report that started this

Adam: Nah looks like they got this just fine with out us

Kevin: besides there internet, we’re obscure TV cable those two things never crossover

The epic LJN fight finishes off screen with LJN in defeat and the Nerd and team in victory.

Captain S kicks one guy while he’s down.

Captain S: And that’s for all those sucky 3D sonic games!

Nerd: Yo chill out the battles over, its over.

The nerd ties every one up, drops his pants and takes a dump on all of them at once.

Back at film studio Linkara sits on top of the defeated Cyborg bear and overlooks all the defeated enemies, he feels proud and victorious. Just then a door opens and smoke rolls out, a silhouetted figure lunges forward. Its George Lucas

Admiral Akbar: It’s a Trap!

Casper: Ut oh, bad Timing

George Lucas: You may be the winners so far but you are no match for an unlimited number of CGI clone Jedi!

The Jedi are all clones of the world’s worst actors. Not just the ones who have appeared in the battle but a lot of them mostly ones who haven’t been involved yet.

As he says this a hoard overwhelms the team and we fade to black

HCbaily: and we died….

 

Fade back from black and we see every one laying in defeat, cloths and costumes torn up, every one out of energy.

 

Director: give me one good reason why I should cancel my movie and let all of you walk out of here alive!

Chester: I was FROZEN , TODAY!

Director: Damn good reason…….but give me an other!

Santa Christ says some thing deep and meaningful and full of holiday spirit. The director gives in and quits.

Christmas comes after all and with no shitty movie to ruin it.

Every one cheers and leaps in to the air, freeze frame, happy music.

 

Back home

Back home, and in there PJs, night gowns or other sleepwear, Every (each person in separate houses) one opens there gifts. (and gets what they want)

Angry Joe is with his brothers and friends and Chris and the girls.  
His gift is a small blue kitten.

The nerd gets a Buffalo and a box full of good games that he will actually enjoy.

 

The critic gets an AK47 to replace the small hand gun he always uses, a new tie, and a home entertainment system with all the best movies.

That guy with the glasses gets a new male Hummel figure and an autographed photo of the devil.

Female Hummel : Come here you fine piece of proclaim Im going to make you my bitch!

Male Hummel : Oi Hey Lady! (he runs away and she chases after)

Dr. Insaino got the club for mega robots

Ma-Ti gets to share a heart shaped box of candy with Gi   
Gi kisses him and takes him in an embrace and they fall off the sofa, landing off camera.

Chester gets a box full of super cool things and tosses it away to hug the box  
Some one finally gives him change.

 

Benzaie and beary get a girl bear witch will be Benzaie’s daughter, beary’s step-sister but he would rather have a girl friend.

 

JewWario is celebrating Hanukah with his wife and therefore has Hanukah gifts, all import games from Japan. He wonders why he joined the fight to save Christmas.

Lee turns 3D again

LordKaT gets a huge poster of Babe Ruth

 

Little Miss Gamer is dressed in super cute but slightly too bug, PJs, pigtails, and bunny slippers and she gets a GBA

Spoony gets robot wax to wax his robot

Sage gets scantly clad girls and a hot tub (there names are parsley, Rosemary and Thyme)

JesuOtaku who is in a night shirt and slippers gets a stack of Manga

MarzGurl who is in a short night gown gets a 4 star dragon ball

That Dude in the Suede who is in a regal bath robe, gets a new Suede jacket and Suede shoes.

CR gets a DVD box set of obscure cartoon stars.

Paw gets a stereo. Pushing up roses kisses him under the missile toe while holding her own gift, a cute hello kitty.

Goggles celebrates with the little girl who appeared in her one video who may or may not be her sister. Her gift is a robot.

Snob gets a basket of weird food

Nostalgia chick and Nell come out in matching but mixed PJs and with the chicks dog under foot and open a box with a stuffed big lipped alligator and a 2nd box with a pony. The robot serves them hot-coco

Captain S and friends get a dreamcast

Linkara in power rangers T-shirt, hat and boxers gets a collection of GOOD comic books

Film Brain, Mike J and the other British guys are partying.

Every one gets there Christmas wishes. (feel free to make suggestions)

 

Every one ends up back at the critic’s house for Dinner. The Nerd walks out with a roast beast and every one sings and eats and links arms and sways side to side singing.

TGWTG: closes the book and wraps up his story then takes a few questions.

TGWTG: And that’s the story of how a bunch of lovable nerds from the internet saved Christmas. Tune in Next Week and I’ll tell you the story of how I captured, skinned and cooked the Easter bunny! And now for some questions from you the viewer!   
Question: How did it feel being a cartoon character?

TGWTG: It felt great, a little flat and I think my Ink never quite dried but it felt great. I want to thank the artists who drew me and remind them that if they ever do hentai, no that’s not exaggeration I really am that big.

Question: ware are you from, originally?

TGWYG: My Mother’s womb

Question: How many lights do you see?

TGWTG: (looks frustrated and terrified) : THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!

Question: what the hell is a gigawatt?

TGWTG: The gigawatt is equal to one billion (109) watts or 1 gigawatt = 1000 megawatts. This unit is sometimes used for large power plants or power grids. For example, by the end of 2010 power shortages in China's Shanxi province will increase to 5–6 GW.and the installed capacity of wind power in Germany was 25.8 GW. The largest unit (out of four) of the Belgian Nuclear Plant Doel has a peak output of 1.04 GW

 

Question: If you worked in a store that said no shoes no service and you saw some one walking around with bear feet, what would you do to that person?

TGWTG: I would congratulate him for his successful hunt but inform him that this establishment is no place for savored animal limbs. Those belong on my coffee table witch is made from 100% genuine Galapagos Tortoise.

Question: Who let the dogs out?

TGWTG: I did and I’ll do it again too.

Question: Change? You got change mister ?

TGWTG: I thought I told you to get lost! Twit.

Question: Would you like more cowbell?

 

TGWTG: Yes, yes I would, who wouldn’t?

Question: If Rob Zombie was bitten by a vampire what would he be called?

 

TGWTG: Awesome

Question: Peat and repeat climbed a mountain. Peat fell off. Who is left?

 

TGWTG: Repeat

Question: Peat and repeat climbed a mountain. Peat fell off. Who is left?

 

TGWTG: Repeat

 

Question: Peat and repeat climbed a mountain. Peat fell off. Who is left?

 

TGWTG: Re—(pulls a gun and shoots the camera fade to black)

 

The End

Epilog

In a straw cottage in a meadow surrounded by flowers and deer. In side we find a gathering of villains plotting

 

Zod: I thought that woman would never stop badgering us but we finally got our evil plan in motion! Soon Christmas will be no more!

Internet Troll : Yes! Look! They are already taking down there decorations! Success! We have broken there spirits!

Insaino hided the Christmas gift he got

Joker’s Brother: Time to calibrate with evil laughter!

M. Bison: Of cores!

All: Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!


End file.
